Monday, August 30, 2010

amalia rodrigues

advice from my great grandmother that my vovo passed on: "every pot has a lid. sometimes the lids get misplaced, but the right lid always turns up eventually."

amalia rodrigues' beautiful fado


De manhã, que medo que me achasses feia,
acordei tremendo deitada na areia.
Mas logo os teus olhos disseram que não!
E o sol penetrou no meu coração.

Vi depois numa rocha uma cruz
e o teu barco negro dançava na luz...
Vi teu braço acenando entre as velas já soltas...
Dizem as velhas da praia que não voltas.

São loucas... são loucas!

Eu sei, meu amor, que nem chegaste a partir,
pois tudo em meu redor me diz que estás sempre comigo.

No vento que lança areia nos vidros,
na água que canta no fogo mortiço,
no calor do leito dos bancos vazios,
dentro do meu peito estás sempre comigo.

Eu sei, meu amor, que nem chegaste a partir

-

in the morning, how i feared you would find me ugly

but your eyes told me the opposite and the sun reached my heart

then i saw a cross upon a rock

and your black boat dancing in the light

and your hand waving among the loosened sails

they say you'll never return to this old beach


they're crazy...they're crazy!

i know, my love, you never left

because everything around me tells me you're always with me


in the wind that throws sand on the windows,

water that sings in the dying fire,

in the warmth of empty seats,

within my heart, you're always with me


toothbrush

i longed for nothing more than to brush my teeth
but somewhere in the confusion i lost my toothbrush
this evening, i saw your best smile and your truest blues blush
you might fear a stillness but i'm still in no rush
i'll just mind my own damn business

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Walk Backwards



summer fell into a pool
and august turned the palest blue
piece together what you saw before
and maybe you'll remember
walk backwards
walk backwards
keeping our heads above the water
the water

two weeks before i tossed
and turned my nightmares over
how realistically they all unfold
i just pull the cover over
talk backwards
talk backwards
keeping our heads above the water
the water




Thursday, August 19, 2010

up, not down

i could have sworn this staircase
once went up, not down
but perhaps i was simply on a lower floor?
this door looks funky too
familiar, but subtly different
the stillness remains, the wait

that much has not changed
even if everything feels shifted
not much has changed, really
not on the atomic level
no real global impact

but imagine my surprise
to be a burden when so easy
and earnest i have tread, pacing
stoking coals and singing to owls
love songs, love songs, love songs
through the nights long

but you have swam in more exciting rapids
and now dismiss the drift of my slow bend
you've no desire to float
no matter how cool and clear the water
you have been down my river,
and you shall swim up another

still i'll stay an easy rider
and mimic the buddha in repose

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

"easy"

All the livelong day,
if I have my way, I will love you.
But One can't carry the weight,
or change the fate, of Two.
I've been waiting for a break.
How long's it gonna take?
Let me love you.
How about it?
How about what I have to say?
How about that livelong day?
How am I gonna stay here
without you?

Easy, easy.
You must not fear.
You must meet me, to see me.
I am barely here.
But, like a Bloody Mary,
seen in the mirror:
speak my name
and I appear.

j. newsom

Monday, August 16, 2010

it burned me



abandoned the nest
i kept so warm so long
it burned me
i kept tidy
til it felt empty
i feel empty

handkerchief blue

i remember standing on the dock
waiting for your ship to appear
waving my handkerchief blue in the air
and though my patience proved worthy,
as i'd previously worried,
you returned from your odyssey blurry

and though my patience proved worthy,
i'd kept myself steady,
you checked yourself out in a hurry

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

black out beach

i'm at black out beach
blotting out the sun with
my own personal clouds
a real physical feeling
of bare toes in sand
mind clouding over
too distant a memory, birth or rebirth
when the planets align
and it gets dark at black out beach
and my clouds grow heavier
my palms are sweating
and i know you don't want to read them like that
but all you need to know is
in my eyes and at black out beach
and in the clouds
gently pulling down the sun
perhaps to a level you can
understand more clearly
something close to a reflection, or maybe a repetition
or a real physical feeling of
bare toes in sand
at black out beach






---------------


mostly scared
but sometimes mad, so, so angry
internally, myopically mostly
never standing on one stone
not reading--
but listening all the time
starting, getting to the middle
and hoping/searching
for the end of that tunnel
coasting in the fog, smoking
so thick it's almost unbearable

your compass seems to point north
but the landscape is constantly shifting
no matter how true the needle
the veins are still blue
on the map they're rivers
and we shall find our river soon
and learn to swim at each other's pace
all ice right now
this summer is strange and straining too
but you'll come home soon, you'll come home